Dear Momma,

It's been two years since you left. Some days it's feels like hours, your absence is palpable enough to take the breath out of my lungs. I keep trying to think of what you would say on those days when I am struggling, I try to hear your encouragement in your voice, that southern twang that makes me smile just thinking about it. While I am sure you are keeping an eye on things, I wanted to tell you about a few things that happened this year.

We sold our childhood home, we worked on fixing it up first and all I kept thinking was how much you would have loved to see it when we were done. I thought it might have been what it looked like when you first saw it, but I know how much work you and Dad did to make it our own. I knew I could never handle living there full time, I mean, how did you survive with all those people and one bathroom? Knowing it was not mine to keep, selling it felt like putting a piece of my heart on the market. Walking through that house in the days before the final paperwork was signed, my memories flooded through and brought tears to my eyes. Driving by the house one last time broke my heart, just knowing I can never hang out in that backyard again. But let's be honest, it hasn't been the same since you and your sweet tea aren't there.

Your wish came true, Momma. I became a voracious reader. I read more than anyone else I know. You told me for years I would be, it was a birth right and turns out, you were right, again! Well guess what, Ma, I took it one step further, I became a writer. While we were cleaning out the house, I found journals with your poetry and it brought me to tears. Those books sat on a shelf in our hallway for decades and I never knew. I wondered why you never told me about it, but I guess you needed something for yourself. Raising three kids and working full time, I am not sure how you fit it in, but I love being able to pick them up and read your thoughts when I want to now. I wish you could read my writing too, I am sure you would be correcting my grammar and telling me how proud you are.

Just a few weeks ago, Will got married, to a gorgeous woman I know we both adore. You and I talked about Will getting married so many times over the years and I don't think either of us thought it would ever happen, turns out he was waiting for the perfect girl and he finally found her. The wedding was absolutely beautiful, and Will looked so happy. I spent a good part of that night holding back tears, because you and Dad weren't there with us. I would have loved to see Dad dancing or you walking Will down the aisle. These moments of joy without you are the hardest, when I can't stop thinking about how unfair it is you were taken so soon. It breaks my heart you couldn't be there with us, but I know you are both such a big part of Will and I. You both would be so proud of how incredible of a man Will has turned out to be.

This year has been beautiful and difficult and as more time goes on I am constantly reminded how much I wish I still had you here with me to help me get through it. What I wouldn't do to pick up a phone and get your advice, get your tough love, breathe in your particular brand of bad ass until I feel it in my veins or get a big hug from you. Momma, I hope you’re proud of the way I kept moving forward and using the strength you gave me to persevere. And I hope you continue to be my inner voice and watch over me. I have got big plans for this future of mine, so stay with me Ma.

I will forever be grateful for the great fortune of being your daughter
Miss you more than you can imagine
Hope you keep watching over me

Love, your baby girl xo