I am not good enough...

This could be my autobiography title for the last few years, I know I am not alone. Most women, even the most successful women you know spend time thinking, or worse, saying out loud, that they are not good enough. Not smart enough, pretty enough, skinny enough, successful enough, the list goes on and on.

Let me break this down for you, in case you are the unicorn woman that never struggles with this issue. I am insanely good at my job, that probably sounds cocky or arrogant, but I promise you it's not. It's due to working my tail off to get there. It's building on my skills and working hours and hours on mastering my craft and my mindset. I am nowhere near perfect, but I am damn good. Even knowing that in my bones, I leave my job after working 12+ hours and think, "I didn't do enough". I drive home on the verge of tears or all out sobbing because it wasn't enough, I am not enough. Seems crazy, right? I agree, but nevertheless, this is a real thing, that has happened more times than I can count. Getting to a place of acceptance and pride is a journey, not a destination, you are never going to get to a place where you don't struggle from time to time, the below are practices I like to remember when things start to unravel.

Failure is the worst F word
I can think of no worse feeling for me (recovering perfectionist and people-pleaser) than the thought of failing or letting people down. Just the thought of it could bring tears to my eyes or make me nauseous. I frequently come home and express to Germain that I am so worried about failing, failing at my job, failing my team who depends on me, failing at being a good wife, etc. He does this magical thing anytime I am in this tail spin, he let's me vent (and some times this goes on for longer than it should) and then he asks "what does the failure you are talking about look like". Side note, if you want to be an amazing partner or friend, ask this question and let someone unpack their biggest fear. I respond and tell him what failure in the situation looks like in my mind, and then he says "ok, is all or any of that likely to happen"? Spoiler alert, the answer is almost always no, because of course, I prepare for those contingencies in advance and in some cases I am just being very dramatic. It is crazy what you can create in your mind as the worst possible scenario that will never actually occur.

How’s this for irony, do you know what the world's greatest teacher is? Failure! You will learn so much more and gain far more experience if you try things that do not work out. If I really slow down, take a breath, and think about how I got to where I am now, it was from failing forward for the last few years and getting back up. Knowing all of this, it is still something I fear, when you break that all down, I realize, I shouldn't be avoiding fear or hiding it, I should be all out chasing it and proudly showing the world what I messed up and what I am trying next. Failure is proof you are trying and it's truly only failure if you don't learn how to do it better.

Gratitude and grace
Two things that can help more than anything else are gratitude and grace. (having a crazy supportive spouse is a seriously close third) You cannot be angry or fearful when you are in gratitude. Seriously, try this next time you get mad, annoyed or scared (also works like a champ if you cannot sleep) start going through the alphabet with what you are grateful for, doesn't have to be elaborate, for example A is always Abby Roo for me, B is for Blogging, you get the idea. I always begin my day with writing down what I am grateful for as well and it's a great way to set the tone for your day. This practice has also taught me to intentionally look for things I am grateful for during my day. You can find almost anything to be grateful for, even the smallest things if you try. Let me give you a real life example, if you follow me on social media (and if you don't, please click the links and follow me!) you know I am mildly obsessed with photography, one of the things I found when I was looking for gratitude is the light in our living room in the middle of the afternoon. Seriously, this is something I am grateful for. I love to take photos, especially of my husbands amazing cooking and this light is life changing for taking photos in my favorite place, our home!

Ahh and grace, this is the more difficult of the two, at least for me, but man is this one powerful. Giving yourself some space to make mistakes, spoiler alert friends, I struggle with this, BIG TIME. Generally, I give myself zero room for mistakes, I expect perfection all the time from myself. I have learned to give others grace, and when I am asked for advice or my girls vent to me I can give a phenomenal pep talk, I can build you up like no one else, but for myself, not so much. Allow yourself to make a mistake, allow yourself to feel sad or mad, allow yourself to be a human. I read recently about a great practice of speaking to yourself like you are your own best friend. If your best friend came to you with the problem you are currently facing, would you tear her down and speak all that hate you're speaking to yourself? Of course not, you would remind her that she is an incredible, amazing, bad ass and she can do anything or have anything she wants. That she's so deserving and you will do anything you can to support her while she chases her dreams. Where is all that love and kindness for yourself? As cliche as it sounds, I think it's about time we all start being our own best friends and see how that changes things.

Feeling like I belong here
It is easy for me to fall into impostor syndrome, before I started this blog, I had a million reasons why I shouldn't and one of the biggest was, who am I to write? I am not a writer, why would anyone want to read what I write? I have no clue what it means or how to be a blogger. Guess what friends, all of those things are still a little bit true in my mind. As we have learned from the above, try breaking these down. Do you know what makes you a writer? WRITING! That's it, just writing, which I do all the time and have done for years and years before anyone was reading it! I had it in my mind, that unless you are a well known author with books on every shelf, everywhere, you are not a writer, and I have come to realize that is just a story I made up. I still don't know how to be a blogger, but I am learning new things everyday, seemed easy at the time I was just talking about it and now I see the work that goes into it, the funny thing about passion projects is that you can "work" on it for hours and not feel like you are working! Why would anyone want to read what I write? this is something I think about, and yet people keep reading every time I post. The truth is, I am writing about my real life, this topic you are reading is not easy to put out there, but I know in my soul that I am not the only woman I know struggling with failure and not feeling good enough. Truthfully when I get responses from other women and I get that feeling of "girl, me too" that is so damn powerful to me, that is true community, knowing you are not the only one, can change a persons life. The feeling of being seen and heard and feeling like we belong is something we all have in common. If I can start one conversation or be the reason one woman doesn't feel like she is alone in the world, this will all be worth it..

Being completely transparent with you, this is a daily learning experience, but I am actively seeking ways to be fail forward, have gratitude and give myself more grace. I am learning to be my own best friend and help other women do the same. Leave me a comment and let me know what you’re struggling with, chances are I can respond and tell you “Girl, me too!”